The importance of fathers
by Steve Biddulph
Thirty years ago research showed that the average dad only spent about eight minutes a day interacting with his children. But thanks to a new generation of hands-on fathers - young men determined to do it differently - that figure has trebled. Father involvement has grown by 300 percent.
Dads interact differently with kids. They play more rough and tumble, which helps both boys and girls learn to be more resilient and stress proof. Little boys often lose their temper when playing rough games; this can be a chance to stop, calm down and learn to not hit, pinch or hurt, while still having a good time. Daughters especially learn that they can be strong, physical, close, powerful and stand up for themselves.
Dads are good for daughters because they show an interest in them that raises their self esteem around boys. Giving daughters the belief that “Dad thinks I am the best" sets a good yardstick, especially when the teen years come along.
Dads are good for sons because they show that a man can be kind, caring, strong and interested in books, cooking, and things the modern boy will need to know.
The very best thing a father can do for his children is to love and show respect for their mother. Children who see mum and dad getting along feel secure. Seeing that couples can get along helps boys to be good communicators when they grow up. Children without a father can get this by knowing good men – grandfathers, uncles or family friends.
Having kids means you have to grow up. For a dad, this means giving up using a too loud voice, angry actions and agreeing to differ or cool off when something can’t be easily resolved. As kids watch this they learn that adults are reliable and trustworthy even when unhappy. Boys learn to respect their mothers by the father’s example. Girls learn how to get along with men without sacrificing their strength or opinions.
Steve Biddulph talks more about the influence parents have on their children in his presentations on Raising Children at The Centre, 275 Upper Heidelberg Rd, Ivanhoe on Tuesday August 18, 7.30-9.30pm and The Secret of Happy Children at Glen Eira Town Hall Auditorium, cnr Glen Eira & Hawthorn rds, Caulfield on Wednesday August 19, 7.30-9pm. Call Playgroup Victoria on 1800 171 882 to find out more.